You Might Die Trying
by WalkerTRngr
Summary: Can you really die trying if you never were alive to begin with? GSR!
1. Chapter 1

**So this is one of my favorite songs by one of the most talented bands ever :). When I was listening to it yesterday the idea for this story popped into my head and I just had to write it down. Let me know what you think and I'll post the conclusion :)!**

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There were days when Detective Jim Brass wished he didn't have a conscious. Wished he could do certain things without regard for morality. Like right now he really wanted to take a baseball bat to Gil Grissom's head. Really he just wanted to knock some sense into him and thinking about how dense Grissom was, he thought a baseball bat was necessary. Sara had come to him a few days earlier asking for assistance in planning an impromptu birthday soiree for Grissom.

"You know Jim he never does anything for his birthday. And I know he's not much into fanfare but I thought a small surprise gathering might be nice. What do you think?"

Brass could see the excitement and hope in her eyes. He knew how much she loved him. He also knew how much Grissom loved her but his head was so far up his… well let's just say he'd never admitted to himself or her how much he really loved her. Anyway, so he was basically an ass because the most beautiful, brilliant woman was at his feet and all he did was walk all over her. Brass noted that just when it seemed Grissom had finally seen the light he would do or say something so callous Brass wondered how he'd made it this far in life without someone socking him in the mouth. Which lead Brass to his current predicament. How could he let Gil have it while still remaining with in the perimeters of the law?

I mean Sara had been so excited when she asked for his help. She had told him that she'd invite the rest of graveyard shift if it he would find a way of getting Grissom to come to the restaurant after shift on Friday. He'd readily agreed noting that asking Gil to shoot back a few after shift wouldn't be too suspicious coming from him.

When Friday approached Sara had this giddy air about her all shift. This of course was not lost on the rest of team, well except for Grissom of course. Catherine noticed how hard Sara had been planning this gathering and she knew that maybe this just might be what Gil needed to get his head out of the microscope. I mean he was trading a life of happiness with a beautifully talented woman for what? A house full of glass encased butterflies and a tarantula? Well hopefully everything went well tonight.

Brass was ready to play his part searching for Grissom about two hours before shift was scheduled to end.

"Hey buddy I know you're not much into fanfare on your big day so what do you say to just going out and shooting back a few?" Brass asked as he stood in the doorway to Grissom's office. Brass noticed the apprehension in his demeanor and realized he quickly had to get things under control before he was shot down for good.

"Come on Gil humor me? I need a break, it's your birthday, and I'd like to buy you a drink."

Grissom gave in.

"Alright Jim, it might not be bad to unwind a little especially after this week."

Jim nodded his head. This week had been especially bad. A horrible bus accident had taken the lives of 5 first graders who were heading out for their first field trip of the school year.

So back to the nights events. Everyone was seated in an extra large u shaped booth waiting for Brass and Grissom to arrive. Nick noticed how happy Sara had been all day and when he saw her walk into the restaurant in a beautiful black cocktail dress he prayed that Grissom would finally notice what was right in front of him all along.

"Sara you look spectacular," he had said as he got up to let her in the booth.

"Thanks Nicky," she said blushing.

Within minutes the rest of the team had arrived.

"So you think he knows?" Greg asked as absently mindedly as he sipped his Long Island Iced Tea.

"Are you kidding me? Grissom barely notices if it's raining outside even if his shirt's soaking wet!" Catherine said in an exasperated tone.

Warrick laughed. Suddenly Sara's phone chimed indicating she had a text message.

"Okay guys Brass said they just parked the car."

Everyone could hear the nervous excitement in her voice.

Brass and Grissom made their way into the restaurant and the hostess asked them if they'd rather have a table or sit at the bar.

"Well if it's all the same to you Gil, I'd rather sit at a table. Those bar stools do nothing good for my back."

"Sure," Grissom said as they followed the young woman. Brass had slipped her a note telling her they were the remaining guests at the table for seven. She nodded at him leading them in the direction of the table.

Sara could see them coming and told everyone to get ready.

"So Gil you know I was thinking about that whole no fanfare on your birthday thing," Brass started to say as they approached the table.

"SURPRISE!" They all shouted in unison.

The smiles on their faces quickly faded as they saw Grissom's face. They were prepared for some surprise, maybe even some shock. They were even prepared for some annoyance on his part. They however were not prepared for the anger evident on his face.

Greg never knowing when to keep his mouth closed spoke first.

"So were you surprised? I mean at first when Sara came to me with the idea for tonight I was a little skeptical knowing your dislike for surprises but the idea grew on me and I thought yup this maybe just what the bossman needs," Greg said with a smile on his face.

"What the bossman needs is for people to leave him the hell alone," Grissom snapped.

"This was your idea," he glared at Sara.

Before she could respond Nick spoke up.

"Look Grissom it's your birthday and it's been a rough week for all of us. Sara just thought it would be a good idea for everyone to have some fun outside of work. Take their minds off what happened this week."

Grissom turned to Brass.

"Jim all I wanted to do was go home and pretend like this week never happened. I hate surprises and hate celebrating my birthday even more," Grissom said as he stormed out of the restaurant. Nobody moved. Or spoke. No one knew what to do. Catherine was first to respond.

"Warrick move, now!" She said as she nearly shoved him to the ground trying to get out of the booth. Catherine ran out of the restaurant after Grissom. Nick turned to look at Sara and wished he hadn't. Her eyes were full of tears and it broke his heart. He badly wanted to break Grissom's legs.

Catherine caught up to Grissom who was in the parking lot waiting for a cab. She grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"Gil what the FUCK do you think you're doing?" Catherine demanded.

She didn't give him a chance to answer before she started in on him again.

"You think this week was only hard on you? You think no one else feels like crap? Gil I swear I don't know what's with you sometimes. Sara has been so excited about this all week. She wanted to do something special for you. She noticed how stressed out you were and thought you could use this. Did you even notice her before you stormed out? What she was wearing? How she did her hair and makeup? She wanted everything to be perfect for you," Catherine said exhausted.

"Gil she loves you. She did all this for you because she loves you. You know someday you're going to realize that taking a chance on love and actually having a life is better than being dead inside because you're too scared to take that chance. You're afraid of what will happen if it doesn't work out. You're afraid that you'll lose everything. Afraid life as you know it will be gone. But from what I see you don't have much of life to lose." With that Catherine walked away leaving a very perplexed and embarrassed Grissom.

Why was he always such an ass? He hadn't meant to snap like that. He was just so tired and the week had been so draining all he wanted to do was go home and sleep it all away. And he hated his birthday. It was just another pathetic reminder that another year of his life had gone by and he'd done nothing. Professionally he was very accomplished. But personally? Personally he had done nothing. And now the one person he'd ever wanted something with he'd hurt in the worst way possible. Now Grissom was scared. Scared that this may have been the last straw for Sara. What if she decided enough was enough and left Vegas for good this time? Somehow he didn't think sending a plant this time would be enough to keep her here.

Back in the restaurant Nick had put his arm around Sara and told her he'd give her a ride home. She had said thanks anyway that she was fine and that she'd see herself home.

"Sara you gave me a ride here remember? Look let's get your car from the Valet and I'll drive you home. Then I'll call a cab to take me back to the lab so I can get my car, ok?"

Sara was still too shell shocked to protest. So Nick led her out of the restaurant and got her car. Once the car came Nick helped her into the car and headed for her apartment. As soon as the car started Sara's iPod automatically began to play, and Dave Matthews Band's "You Might Die Trying" filled the air.

At the same time Grissom was in a cab heading home when the same song came on the radio.

_To change the world,  
Start with one step.  
However small,  
The first step is hardest of all.  
Once you get your gate,  
You will walk in tall.  
You said you never did,  
Cause you might die trying,  
Cause you might die trying.  
Cause you---  
_

Grissom let the words of the song wash over him like a tidal wave.

_If you close your eyes,  
Cause the house is on fire.  
And think you couldn't move,  
Until the fire dies.  
The things you never did,  
Oh, cause you might die trying,  
Cause you might die trying.  
You'd be as good as dead,  
Cause you might die trying,  
Cause you might die trying.  
_

Nick looked over at Sara and noticed that she had fallen asleep. How sad it was that the only times Sara got real sleep were the times he saw her too exhausted from crying to keep her eyes open. How many times had he held his 'little sister' while she cried her eyes out over Grissom? Too many to count. God damn Grissom for her hurting again! Couldn't he see that if he just gave the littlest part of himself, if he just gave his heart to her he would be the happiest person in the world? That he would truly begin to live if he first gave.

_If you give, you, you begin to live.  
If you give, you begin to live.  
You begin, you get the world.  
If you give, you begin to give  
You get the world, you get the world.  
If you give, you begin to live._

Grissom wondered if it really was that simple. If he just gave his heart to her could he have everything he ever wanted? Would it really be that easy? What if it didn't last? What if he lost her if it didn't work out? Could he live with that? Well one thing was for certain. He had to at least try, even if it meant that his heart may die in the process because to be honest right now it wasn't doing much living. He had to stop being scared of what bad things could happen and just focus and what good things could happen. In that cab ride home memories flooded Grissom's mind. Memories of things in the past and things yet to come that he wished would be. Memories of a wedding with Sara. Of a house full of kids and a dog. Growing up as an only child he had always wanted to one day have a big family but not until Sara had he ever found someone he wanted to have that family with.

_If you give, you, you begin to live.  
If you give, you begin to live.  
You begin, you get the world.  
If you give, you begin to give  
You get the world, you get the world.  
If you give, you begin to live._

_You might die trying.  
Oh, you might die trying.  
Yeah, you might die trying._

_The things you never did,  
Cause you might die trying;  
You'd be as good as dead.  
You never did._

As the cab pulled up in front of Grissom's townhouse he realized that it was now or never. I mean if you're never really alive to begin with can you really die trying?


	2. Chapter 2

**So as you can see this story has put me in a very Dave Matthew's Band mood :). I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's one more to go!!**

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Sara stumbled into her apartment exhausted.

"Hey Sar why don't you go change and I'll order us a pizza? I know those shoes can't be comfortable," Nick said referring to her heels. He still couldn't understand why women tortured themselves by wearing them. Well for what ever reason he had to admit they did look good wearing them.

"Thanks Nicky. I think I'll take a shower and change. Just make yourself comfortable."

"Always do!" he smiled as he plopped himself on her couch, phone in one hand remote control in the other.

Despite her current mood Sara laughed. She had to admit, one of the best things that came out of her moving to Vegas was her friendship with Nick. He was like the over protective big brother she never had growing up.

Sara made her way into her bedroom removing her jacket and shoes leaving them by the bed. She went into her bathroom to start the water running in the shower. She removed the rest of her clothes hanging her dress back up in the closet. She wished she'd kept the tags on so she could return it. It had been an impulse buy. She still didn't know why she did it. She just knew when she tried it on she felt like a million bucks and knew she had to have it. Then when the idea for tonight came about she knew she should wear it. Everyone had complimented her. Telling her how nice she looked in it. Well everyone but Grissom.

Sara slipped under the spray and pressed play on her shower stereo. Sara always found that when she was feeling lonely and depressed music always helped. Well she had felt that way until a particular song started playing and she groaned. Why this of all songs? But Sara didn't bother to shuffle through to the next one.

_I call you up_

_You pick up_

_You call my bluff_

_On the card to love_

_You hold too close_

_Your hands to your chest_

_I can read your eyes_

_But I confess_

_It's lonely far from you, oh_

_Even when you're right by me_

_It's only why I wait for you_

_To take my hand_

_Why do I beg like a child for your candy?_

_Why do I come after you like I do, I love you?_

_Wherever you are_

_I swear_

_You be my angel_

_You_

Sara couldn't deny that Grissom was her weakness. Hell it's why she came to Vegas. I mean getting a chance, even if briefly, to work for the number two lab in the country would be great for her career but that thought had hardly crossed her mind. Grissom had called and told her that he needed her and she was on the next flight she could find. It angered her. How pathetic she thought she was. He calls and she comes running. And even now, even after everything that he's done to her she still couldn't deny that she was in love with him. Even after tonight she'd still do anything for him. That's the trouble with love. You'll do anything. Sara was afraid that she'd let herself fall so far in love with Grissom that there was no turning back. She was stuck in this cycle of hope and rejection and she didn't know how to get herself out of it.

_I play my cards the best I can_

_But I lose my luck when you're not here_

_My darling heart_

_Won't you please give in?_

_I may be strong_

_But I want you back again_

_When you're not here it's hard to pretend_

_It's all alright again_

_When you're not here love it's hard to pretend_

_It's all alright but still_

_Why do I beg like a child for your candy?_

_Why do I run after you like I do, I love you?_

_Whatever you are_

_I swear_

_You be my angel, you_

Sara finished her shower and was just getting dressed when the door bell rang.

"Don't worry I got it.," Nick said getting off the couch.

"I bet it's the pizza," he continued.

"Thanks Nicky I'll be out in a moment. Oh and my purse is on the counter in the kitchen."

"Like I'd let you pay! Dream on girl," Nick said with a smile. He opened the door and instantly regretted it. He was a trained CSI why hadn't he thought to look in the peep hole first?

"Grissom," Nick said with obvious venom in his voice.

"Uh Nick is Sara home?" He asked nervously.

Before Nick could answer Sara came bounding out of her bedroom.

"So Nick is the pizza here I'm starving? I hope you remembered to order it half vegetarian because you know there's now way I'm eating dead pig on my…" Sara stopped speaking when she saw who was at the door.

"Hi Sara," Grissom said quietly.

"Can I come in?"

_Watch the deck_

_Count your cards_

_Makes no sense_

_That I'm always losing_

_When you're gone_

_Why do I beg like a child for your candy?_

_Why do I come after you like I do, I love you_

_Whatever you are_

_I swear_

_You'll be my angel, you_

_When you're gone_


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the last chapter! I want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews. I apologize for taking so long in updating this. Let me know how I did!**

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Before Sara had a chance to respond Nick walked past Grissom slamming the door behind him.

"She may let you inside but we need to talk first," Nick told him.

Grissom stood in Sara's doorway nervous as hell. He was prepared to deal with an irate, angry Sara. Maybe even an emotional one. He was not prepared for a furious Nicholas Stokes. He felt his resolve crumbling. Maybe this was a bad idea? Maybe he should just turn around and go home?

"Look it's obvious that you both have feelings for each other. Everyone can see it. What I don't understand is why on earth Sara would still have feelings for you after everything you've done to her? Most people would have given up by now. But Sara's different, she's stubborn and I don't see her changing anytime soon. This means you're gonna have to change. I will not let you hurt her again!" Now Nick's face was mere inches from Grissom's.

"If I find out that you pulled another stunt like you did earlier, it's gonna take all the CSIs in Vegas to find your body."

Grissom was taken aback. He'd never seen this side of Nick before.

Then Nick softened.

"Just stop hurting her okay? She's been through enough," with that Nick reopened the door and looked at Sara.

"Well Sar' it's up to you. You could let him in and then I'd have to eat the pizza by myself, or we could just kick him out?" Nick said with a wink.

Sara laughed and Nick smiled. It was good to see her laughing again.

"Well Nicky would it be okay if I took a rain check on the pizza?"

At that moment the doorbell rang again and Nick answered it paying for the pizza.

"Sure Sar' I'll just take this home to my lonely apartment and eat it all by myself," he teased.

Sara walked over and gave him a hug.

"Thanks for everything," she whispered in his ear.

"Anytime, sis."

Once Nick had left, Sara turned her attention back to Grissom.

"So Griss you wanted to talk me," all the niceness gone from her voice.

"Why don't we sit," Grissom said motioning to her couch.

Sara didn't move, she stood there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Alright well the reason why I came is… well because…You see I…" Now that he was finally alone with Sara he was having trouble speaking.

"Look Griss if you have something to say, say it. If not then leave."

Grissom saw the hurt in her eyes and his heart sank. What had he done to her? How many times had Nick come over to make sure she was okay after something he'd done?

_Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?  
Don't hide away, like an ocean  
That you can't see but you can smell  
And the sound of waves crash down_

_I am no superman.  
I have no reasons for you  
I am no hero, Aww that's for sure  
But I do know one thing:  
Is where you are is where I belong.  
I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be.  
_

"Sara I… Look Sara I'm sorry. I know that seems so cliché but I am. I've hurt you so many times in the past and I don't want to hurt you anymore."

He had been staring at the floor when he spoke and now he was looking into her eyes.

"You're right. Sorry just doesn't cut it. My God, how many times have I just let you off the hook because you said sorry?" Sara asked tears forming.

"You know who I'm really mad at? Myself! I'm angry at myself for loving you. For letting you step all over me and then me asking for more, for letting you think it's ok. I'm mad because after all this I still need you…" She couldn't continue as sobs racked her body.

Grissom pulled Sara close and let her sob into his shoulder. He guided her to the couch and sat down pulling her into his lap never letting her go. Tears started to well up in his eyes as he thought about what he'd done to her.

"Oh Sara," he said as the tears silently fell from his eyes. "Honey never again, I will never hurt you again," he repeated the words over and over until her sobs became sniffles.

"Sara I've wronged you in so many ways I would understand if you never wanted to see my face again. You just have to know that I love you, I always have."

_Where are you going? Where do you go?  
Are you lookin' for answers to questions under the stars?  
Well if along the way you are growin weary, you can rest with me  
Until a brighter day, you're ok._

Sara pulled Grissom closer as her tears started again. But for the first time in her life Sara could honestly say they were tears of happiness.

Grissom was confused. Sara was crying again. He thought he'd told her something that was good. He loved her. Isn't that what she wanted, needed to hear?

"Sara I'm sorry. I just thought you should…" his words were cut off by her mouth covering his.

_I am no superman.  
I have no answers for you.  
I am no hero, aww that's for sure.  
But I do know one thing:  
Where you are is where I belong.  
I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be_

Several hours later Sara woke and climbed out of bed careful not to wake the man snuggled beside her. She grabbed her robe and made her way into the kitchen and to the phone.

"Hey Sar' is everything ok?" Nick asked concern evident in his voice.

"Yes Nicky, everything's fine. Actually everything's great. I just wanted to say thanks."

Nick could hear Sara's smile. Could feel her contentment coming through the line. He knew that finally things must have worked out between the two of them.

"I'm happy for you Sara."

"Me too," she said and meant it.

_But I do know one thing  
Is where you are is where I belong  
I do know where you go is where I want to be_

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**Oh don't forget to visit and show your support for Jorja Fox!  
**


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